Breakdancing Pensioner v DSS

The fact is that all Englishers are dirty tax evading social security cheats, I should know, I've read half of trainspotting, which is totally about everyday Englishers, right? Well, turns out that there's this old dude in England who can bust moves phatter than a whale in a g-string. This is his story..... He was born after some dodgy family planning advice his parents received from the NHS.

He always knew he was a bit of a dweeb, it's a genetic thing, and as this family portrait demonstrates, he was destined to be a right knob.

Until one day he met a magician in the men's toilets behind Wolverhampton tescos. The magician said "heyyyyy booyyyy" want to see a trick? The kid was like, "no, I don't want to see your balls and he kicked him in the throat, which was pretty sweet considering he was a tall magician wearing a bullet proof bow tie. But the kid did it, because he had mad skills.

Then, when he was walking out of the toilets this shark and gorilla came up to him and said "man, you're born to break dance, let us hone your rough edged b boy styles." So the kid says yes, because he was always told to trust sharks and the gorilla looked a bit like Boris Yeltsin.
Long story short, he wasn't that good but kept practicing, straining his will like this tube of toothpaste.

Then when he was really old he was finally as rad as anyone his age and went on TV and would have been the most famous person in England since Peter Andre, but the DSS got jealous and took his benefits away.
And gave them to this guy instead.

The moral of the story is that you shouldn't ever try and be good at anything, unless it's being really good at collecting DSS benefits.