Guerilla Knitting

This is the high school picture of Zach de la Rocha, lead singer of Rage Against The Machine, which goes to show that even if you look like a bit of a puss when you're a kid, doesn't mean you can't grow up to totally exist on the outer edge of totally badass (not to be confused with Naughty Corey: he's a total puss living under the guise of being sorta badass, although, WTF hapenned to him, I haven't been to the methodone clinic in a few months, so I'm assuming he's dead now).

In the spirit of exploring the cross over of puss and badass, I present you with a new phenomenon brought to my attention by Ms Juju Space Jazz, it's called guerilla knitting and has nothing to do with gorillas who can play saxophones.

You see, these two kids learnt how to knit when their parents were killed in an industrial accident in a pillow factory. They were adopted by their grandma who had no TV and they learnt to knit for fun. But nothing could quell their burning rage and inner anguish, so they began to use their phenomenal knitting skills to 'stick it to the man'.

This is the tree that a possum family used to live in, until the guerilla knitters totally knitted all over it. The possums thought they were tripping and checked into rehab, where they were told that they were too hairy to receive treatment.

Then the kids started to deal drugs out of their grandma's garage, using her washing machine to cook meth, they had to mark their territory, so they knitted these booties. BTW, they made a fair bit of money so the gran now sublets part of their trade and deals benzos to the elder clientele looking for a high.

The kids got paranoid that cops were onto them, so they knitted this phone booth over. Not quite sure why, but they were on meth, so I guess we're lucky they didn't stab us.

In an attempt to offset the business that the guerilla knitters had developed which now was an empire that spanned borders, the US Army tried to knit a flag. I think they were thinking that if they could communicate on a level the guerillas understood then they might be able to negotiate. But it didn't work, amatuers army knitters couldn't command the respect of the guerillas because there were no stars on the flag and it was more square than oblong. They may be meth dealing guerillas, but they have standards and still appreciate craftsmanship.

And that is the story of how Kyle Sandilands got his big break in radio. The rest, as they say, is probably not a very accurate history.