I remember World Youth Day when all these kids were like, totally "high on life" and had yellow backpacks. It turns out that they were hanging out to agree on just how awesome Jesus was. When he's not nailed to a cross that guy rocks, no wonder so many people go nuts for him. 
Kids love crayons, the bigger the better. And dogs too, kids think dogs are awesome, unless the dog is on heat, that can freak them out.
Fashion is awesome, and so are wangs. Fashion and wangs equal 'super awesome!'
Neil Armstrong was actually a stack of pancakes, which makes it even more awesome that he walked on the moon. Buzz Aldren, he was crepes.
Did I mention kids love big crayons?
Historical note: Hitler liked to hit on drunk chicks with low self esteem, preferably drunk chicks with low self esteem and a passion for ethnic cleansing, although I heard he was more about the poontang than anything else.
Before Obama was the president of the world, he was in a movie called The Neverending Story. I've seen the beginning of that movie, but not the end, so I can't verify whether the movie really does end or not. If you know how the movie ends email me at ilove80sschlock@movies.com
This is a tiger.
I really can't re-iterate how much kids love big crayons.
Just looking at this picture makes me trip, I get bad deja vu.
The GFC is real, and it's hitting dinosaurs the worst.
Santa Clause is dead.
He was killed by a fat goth, probably died of laughter, or possibly stabbed to death with a guyliner pencil.
And remember, no matter how awesome your life is, you'll never be as awesome as this t shirt.
I often wonder, if Michael Jordan was a pygmie, do you think he would have been asked to star in the hit movie Space Jam, or would they have asked Mugsy Bogues instead?
This is the high school picture of Zach de la Rocha, lead singer of Rage Against The Machine, which goes to show that even if you look like a bit of a puss when you're a kid, doesn't mean you can't grow up to totally exist on the outer edge of totally badass (not to be confused with Naughty Corey: he's a total puss living under the guise of being sorta badass, although, WTF hapenned to him, I haven't been to the methodone clinic in a few months, so I'm assuming he's dead now).
You see, these two kids learnt how to knit when their parents were killed in an industrial accident in a pillow factory. They were adopted by their grandma who had no TV and they learnt to knit for fun. But nothing could quell their burning rage and inner anguish, so they began to use their phenomenal knitting skills to 'stick it to the man'.
This is the tree that a possum family used to live in, until the guerilla knitters totally knitted all over it. The possums thought they were tripping and checked into rehab, where they were told that they were too hairy to receive treatment.
Stop doing cross-stitch and knitting, it was funny in an ironic way for about a month but now it's just offensive, it's not an island anyway, it's a headland, twat!
Get off the computer, Hulk Hogan didn't get famous for having muscular typing fingers, he got famous for having mad guns and a white mullet.
Get yourself a sloth and teach it to ride one of these things.
Better yet, get two sloths and teach them how to pull rad tricks.
Build yourself a house, but not out of bricks or twigs, what are you, a sissy? Build it out of MEAT!
Start a fight with all your enemies in the most elaborate ways.
But be careful not to go punching above your weight too early.
Get a guitar. Fact: there are only two things cooler and more awesome than having a guitar, 1- being able to play "Smoke on the Water" on that guitar or 2- A Keytar.
And when you've honed your awesomeness, don't go wrecking it by walking. Look at Prince, that dude is so awesome because he doesn't walk anywhere (Stephen Hawkings is another example of this)
When I was about 9 or 10 I used to think that these dudes were the coolest thing on earth:
But then this movie called Point Break came out, and I realised the errors of my way. Dressing up in your mum's wardrobe from the 70s will only get you so far with the ladies, but dropping quotes from Point Break, whoa.
"Sir, I take the skin off a chicken!" and "I caught my first tube today... sir!" are vintage Keanu, whose career can be summed up with this photo.
But the real star of Point Break was Bodhi, the bank robbing philosopher who likes to sky dive, surf fifty foot waves and say things like "It's basic dog psychology, if you scare them and get them peeing down their leg, they submit. But if you project weakness, that promotes violence, and that's how people get hurt. "
That character is basically as kick ass as Patrick Swayze's entire career, except when he plays that kiddy fiddler in that movie with Jake Gyllenhal, that's creepy.
Mr Swayze, I'll always hold you close to my heart, like the book I read 564 times when I was 9.
Oedipus Rex
Richard Kingsmill
Gwen Stefani
Merman dad, I'm a merman!
Bill Gates
Some douche
Warren Beattie, Will Ferrell, Michael Jackson and Posh Spice
When faced with the prospects of seeing a gorilla playing a saxophone at her best friend's party, The Englisher was so psyched that she rushed out to get her hair trimmed. You see, not only was there a gorilla playing a saxophone, which under any circumstances would totally kick way more ass than anything (even Johnny Depp) but there were also balloons. Not the kind that raped you, but the awesome kind that, you know, floated around and filled a party with colour and latex.
Long story short, the englisher next looked in the mirror and saw this:
And then she cut sick and opened a can of whoop ass on the hairdresser, but because the hairdresser was a totally sick motocross rider, she escaped in 0.623 seconds, which made the bubble permed englisher totally insane and turn into a transformer and she trashed the entire city on the way to the party, arriving looking like this
And it was still kinda ok, because the gorilla was still playing and said, "any requests?" The englisher said, "yes please, can you please play River Deep Mountain High in the style that Nikki Webster would sing it in if she were to resurrect her career with a cover of that song.
Or stop people doing really stupid things.
It might be that thing that made everyone in the 80s totally rad.
Maybe these cats have micro switches? If so, they should activate them NOW and get all ninja cat on this freaky couple.
Oh, that's it!!! A micro switch is what is installed in trucks so that when ever this guy takes a photo of himself looking all bad ass in his mum's lipstick and uncle guido's chain... a truck will smash through his bathroom and destroy the evidence, because if this dude was allowed to keep taking photos like this the world would explode and scientists will look back and say "well there was clearly too much awesome floating around".
You see! The world is now safe thanks to microswitches.
Well, why are you still reading this... fag!
