Mariah Carey Week: Day 5

Glitter, it's a movie, and it features our hero of the week.

I haven't seen it, but I'd like to imagine that the story unfolds to solve the mystery that Mariah presents in this photo.

Here's a really good review of the film. http://www.mutantreviewers.com/rglitter.html
I can't possibly add to that, so here's what we've learnt during this week of Mariah Carey madness...

Mariah is compassionate to starving kids in the third world.

And inspires people to follow their dreams.
Mariah is as cool as denim on denim.

But not as cool as David Hasselhoff
Some people love Mariah as much as this guy like He-Man

Others don't really give a shit about her

And Yahoo Answers is a great place to find freaks (click to enlarge)
BTW- Madonna is also a mad slapper.

So that's it, the week of Mariah comes to an end. And to all the yanks and those who wish they were.... Happy Thanksgiving.

Mariah Carey Week: Day 4

How did Mariah Carey lose all that weight?
I just came back from the supermarket and saw Mariah Carey and she either spent a mil on plastic surgery or she was starving herself into a new look. When will she let go of pushing herself as 'hot'? She's over the hill and others have taken her place a long time ago. Give it up, Mariah. We don't care if you lose or not. You lost already, my attention. Who cares?

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
"How did Mariah Carey loose all that weight?""We don't care if you lose or not...Who are cares?"Obviously you do if you posted a question asking how she lost all that weight.

Cod Fishing's Favourite Answer:

By drinking alot of wine and throwing up! (see above picture)

Another thing which Mariah drinks lots of wine about is her dispute with Eminem.

Here's a brief summary:

2002
Eminem addresses Mariah in a song for the first time. Fighting Words : "Superman" from Eminem's 3rd album, The Eminem Show, contained the following lyrics: “What you trying be? My new wife? / What, you Mariah? Fly through twice."Eminem - "Superman" "I done came way too far in this game to turn and walk away, and not say what I got to say. What the f-ck you take me for a joke? You smokin crack? Before I do that, I'd beg Mariah to take me back"Eminem - "When The Music Stops"
Mariah Carey denies the relationship on Larry King Live.Fighting Words: "I hung out with him, I spoke to him on the phone. I think I was probably with him a total of four times. And I don’t consider that dating somebody."
2003:
Mariah parodies Eminem on tour. Her Marionette Show showcased Eminem puppets. "Clown," from Carey's Charmbracelet album, contained some obvious shots at Em. Fighting Words: "You should've never intimated we were lovers/ When you know very well we never even touched each other."
2005:
Eminem responds to Mariah's Marionette Show diss on his own Anger Management Tour by playing voicemails alleged to be from Carey.
2006:
Eminem reaffirms his disdain for Mariah Carey on "Jimmy Crack Corn," from The Re-Up compilation LP.Fighting Words: "Your mind’s on us like mine’s on Mariah. And y’all are just like her, you’re all f--king liars."
2007:
50 Cent weighs in on the feud on "All of Me," which appears on Curtis.Fighting Words: "Em predicted it all, I don’t know how he knew it. He said women from Hollywood they liars, liars, liars. You f-ck them, they get you heated, deny it like Mariah."50 Cent - "All Of Me"

2009:
Eminem hauls more insults at her and husband Nick Cannon on "Bagpipes from Baghdad," which appears on 2009's Relapse.Fighting Words: "Nick Cannon, I wish you luck with the f-cking whore"
Nick Cannon lashes out at Em via a blog post which he later deleted.
Mariah responds to Eminem's response by dropping a new single titled "Obsessed." Despite her claim to the contrary, the song is widely perceived as a diss to Slim Shady. Let's face it, the music video for "Obsessed" even featured a male stalker dressed in Eminem's trademark hooded sweatshirt.Fighting Words: "Why are you so obsessed with me? Lying that you're sexing me?"

Eminem fires back at Mariah's "Obsessed" with a full-fledged diss track titled "The Warning." Fighting Words: "Shut the f-ck up before I put up all the phone calls you made to my house when you were "Wild N' Out" before Nick, when you was on my d--k and give you something to smile about." Eminem - "The Warning"

So basically in a nutshell.... I don't give a shit about this at all. I'm gonna go get a sausage for lunch.

Mariah quote of the day:

"Lying that you are sexing me."

Sexing? Sexing? What is that, like, an adverb or something, help me out here MC.

Mariah Carey Week: Day 3

Mariah Carey?
What do you think of mariah carey? no rude comments !i think mariah is the greatest female singer of all time shes so real and just becauses shes confident people think shes stuck up and she isnt..confidence is hard to find in the world now days and she has it!! she has the highest vocal range in the world she is in the world record book for it!! so i wanna know your perspective??


First, since when has confidence been hard to find in the world, I think there's an oversupply if anything, but here is the best answer:


Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
im sorry but....i hate mariah carey. she has a good voice but i just think that there are other female singers that are way better then her


Cod Fishing favourite Answers:
"she hella good singer....ive like here science her first cd came out" (Since when was MC a scientist?)



"I actually can't bear the woman! Typical yank... all that warbling hurts my ears, just get on with the song hey and do us all a favour"


"I think she is so so sexy and will be the first women ever to be sexier than Halle Berry at 50."

I think that last comment is probably correct.

MC Quote of the day:

“When you love someone so deeply they become your life, it's easy to succumb overwhelming fears inside. Blindly I imagined I could keep you under a glass. Now I understand to hold you I must open my hand and watch you rise.”

What is she saying that she's trying to catch men with a bug catcher? Since when is imagination blind? Is it even possible to succumb to an internal force?

If that makes any sense to you, please email me on mariahisawhackjob@help.com.

Mariah Carey Week: Day 2

A lot of a big deal seems to be made of the fact that Mariah is mixed race but looks mostly caucasian. But this yahoo question is a ball tearer:

If Wesley Snipes and Mariah Carey had a baby what color skin tone would it be?
Me and my girlfriend are planning on having a baby and i just want to know the skin tone it would most likely be. I'm Wesley Snipes's skin tone and she is Mariah Carey's skin tone. Please dont give me an answer saying that you should love it no matter what i will love it no matter what its just nice to know. Thanks.

Best Answer - Chosen by Voters
Ok first if your girlfriend looks anything like Mariah Carey your the luckiest man alive after Nick Cannon ahahah!Ummm well it might be like a caramel color not to dark but not like mariah maybe like "The Rock [Dwayne Johnson]" kinda color but u never know Mariah was half black and she is pretty light it's all genetics!!

mmm... there's a great ethno-indicator: am I caramel or The Rock?

This guy's not quite "The Rock", and also not quite human.


Cod Fishing's Favourite Answer

just anoter lil *** nog jumping around.

I'm not sure what a ***nog is, but I have a feeling that answer was submitted by a neo-nazi.

MC Quote of the Day:
"My mother is Irish, my father is black and Venezuelan, me - I'm tan, I guess."

There you go, MC is from the Oompa Prompa race.

Mariah Carey Week: Day 1

Welcome to the greatest five days on the calendar- Mariah Carey Week. I'm usually loathe to celebrate major holidays like Metallica Monday and International Fergal Sharkey day, but Mariah Carey Week is something else.

This week's daily updates will be dictated by the font of knowledge that is Yahoo Answers, today's question:

Does anyone actually think Mariah Carey is beautiful?
I have never thought she was physically attractive, even back in the day when she started her career with "someday". I love Mariah Carey, her music that is, but I just dont see why people think she is physically attractive. I think her body is strange, looks like a linebacker and her face has never been pretty. Do you believe that she requires her employees to tell her she's beatiful everyday? I do, anyways what are your thoughts on MC not her voice, her looks...

Best Answer - Chosen by Asker
I agree with you. My mom used to always say this but I never really noticed how unpretty she really was until I saw the movie "Glitter". That's when I noticed how big her eyes were and how common her features were. Honestly she looks just like any other half white/ half black girl. People just think she's so pretty because she's biracial and she can sing but I guarantee if she was much darker with short hair and had the same exact features nobody would think she was pretty at all. You're also right about her figure not being that great either. She does not have a butt at all (it's squared off) and her breast kind of sag. All in all mariah Carey is not that good looking but I can agree that her music is wonderful!

Cod Fishing's Favourite Answer

She kind of looks like she has been run over by a truck and flattened out. She needs a bit more dimension to her. She looks like of cartoony.

Cartooney- yes, No Dimension? Check this out. She's got more dimensions that an astonaut on ketamine.

Mariah Carey Quote of the Day:

"Butterflies are always following me, everywhere I go."

Butterflies, nature's stalker, according to Carey.

Things I'll Never Understand

All people are different blah blah blah, but there are some things I'll never understand...

Vegetarians
the 80s

Why re-usable toilet paper isn't widely available

People who get bad tattoos

Maths

People who grow rats tails

People who don't like Christmas

Cats that beat up on dogs

Extremists

Michael Jackson

Pokemon

Ironic t-shirts

this picture.

If you read this I hope you have a horrible weekend because you're not going to be attending the concert of the decade... Lightning Bolt.

Life after fake tan

Undoubtedly the greatest example of a fake tan is Oompa Prompa from Hot Chicks With Douchebags. I laugh everytime I see this picture...The attitude, the pale blue and pink suit combo, THE FAKE TAN, it's awesome.He even got his mates to join in at the next formal.And don't the ladies just love it! But this guy's gotta be hitting his mid 20s now, and I'd like to imagine that he's made millions from cameos at school formals, but I'm sure the reality is that he's working in a call centre or for his dad's concreting company. So where do you go after such dizzying heights?Where does this guy go after introducing himself to the world (the internet) in such classy style. Well, the answer to this one isn't rhetorical, this guy's in cell block H now.Look at Gary Busey, he turned the fame of being a child gynastics prodigy into a successful career of being a professional loon bag.I think Mario and Luigi became hitmen after their gaming careers were over.

And Hulk Hogan is now a celebrity chef I hear.

Someone please find me the guy who invented this phone and reassure me that he's living on a remote island, drinking cognac out of a gold goblet and swimming in the millions of dollars that he's made from making the 'Oral Sex Phone'.

Screw this

Sometimes work just feels like a massive drag.

So I'm considering following my childhood dream and applying for a job as a ninja turtle.

So I can tell Cincinnati and the rest of the world to suck it.

And spend the rest of my days fighting random dudes and eating pizza.

But then if I ate heaps of pizza I'd get fat. And I may or may not start wearing white suits that do nothing to hide my grotesque man bulge.

And I'm not really into dieting on boring foods.

Or skiing for that matter.

This picture is so ironic, a dude with fire painted onto his car sees his car set on fire. Ironic, but irrelevant to the narative of this story.

So this is me, in like, 20 years, when I've made my transition from young man to Apache lesbian. Look out world.