Dear Blog

Today I opted for the Fifth Season all in one with amber shades. I love the flare, it makes me feel like my ankles are disconnected from my body and the zipper unleashes a hint of brown sugar for the ladies.
Then me and V went to the piggery, check out how cute those testicles are! I said V, why can't you be that huge?

Then we visited my favourite shop, The Loose Box. There's no other shop which I thinks typifies who I am more than The Loose Box.

I bought a floatation device, I DO know how to swin but I liked that this one had, subsidiary benefits.

Then me and V went to a film, I cried all the way through.

V had a soft serve, but they are made of pigs fat, so I had a soy museli cup instead.... yum.

On the way home we saw the CUTEST fellow. I love love love the three quarter fisherman pants, so hottt right now. Plus double pimp cane action, this guy was HOTTT.

When we got home I fed my rainbow kittens before it got dark, because you all know, all cats are grey at night, right?

Then I went and watched V at his resident gig at the corner of Elizabeth and Pitt. He can rock the sitar like no other.

Happy friday.

Run Can't Walk

So this Red Coat Wanker, or Really Cunning Widget has left me (and others) in the lurch. Not quite as creatively as this. So I'm now getting good experience in obscure curses...
May you die and hurt the whole time you're dying.

May your ice-cream flavour taste like shit.

May you be as perenially relevant and Friends.

May you experience a fashion faux pas confusing tights with pants.

May a google dinosaur trample you in the dirt.

May you be sentenced to a hard labour with lesbians.

May teenage girls party in their underwear in your lounge room and eternally confuse you.

I hope you get raped by a mythical beast on your next bike ride.

Hey, Randy Couch Waiter, here's your weather forecast.

Fashions that Never Caught On

In ode to my $2 London Fog jacket, here's my list of fashions that inexplicably never caught on... Zebra T-Shirts
Hollywood father's hanging out with their goth kids in swanky venues.

Men in fishnet stockings.

USA eyes.

Holidays on Dildo Island.

Sexy-D2 costume.

The killer Pringle Cod Piece + Vuvuzela combo. Watch out ladies.

Creepy men wearing creepy t-shirts.

The Fox Hat

Ironic t-shirts put into un-ironic context.

Now check this shit out http://pds20.egloos.com/pds/201007/22/35/epicsax.swf

And have a good weekend.

Flying Donkey

Things I would not do to promote my private beach... dedicated to the Russian twats who thought it would be a totally awesome idea to throw a donkey out of a plane to get people to come to their beach... I would not invite the Turds of Misery to play at my beach party, although they are a pretty awesome band.

I wouldn't build a McDonalds, no one on a beach holiday needs a sausage in their butt's.


Pscho police! You can't arrest everyone! You're not invited to my beach.



Seeing this album makes me understand why they thought it would be a good idea use a parachuting donkey as a promotional tool. Russian are weird.

This guy would not feature in the TV promotions of my private beach. His hair is OFFICIALLY the worst haircut in history.

This crazy lady will not be allowed on my beach, I have a "NO STONING" policy. And a no STONERS policy. Creepy moustache.

And I'm going to change the name of my beach to something a little easier to pronounce.

And maybe not drop this animal out of an airplane either, whatever the fuck it is.

Instead I am going to send this awesome kid to ride his kickass unicorn through the area wailing on his geetar.

Happy Friday.

Croc Sitting

Apparantly some bloke in Broome got stone cold drunk and decided it would be really smart to ride a croc named Fatso.

Guess what?

Turns out it was a pretty stupid idea. Here are other stupid ideas for stupid people... Crippled Klu Klux Klan. You can roll, but you can't hide you racist prick.
Why would anyone invent a stove that rapes people? More to the point, why would women wear provocative clothes enticing the stove to rape them, cause you know, she's probably asking for it when she's showing skin, right?

This kid's got the right idea, ride a fat dog, not a crocodile.

This guy got into DJing for one reason and one reason only, to pull chicks and then completely ignore them when they dance in scanty gold booty pants next to his mixer.

Actually, this is a pretty good idea, I can't rag on ingenuity like this.

Tattoo of a photo of someone you love= bad idea

Tattoo on your ass = bad idea

Tattoo of someone you love on your ass = totally awesome idea!!!

It's basic math bitches, two negative make a positive.

WORST ALBUM COVER EVER!!!

Happy friday.

Englisher's Birthday

My friend the Englisher is having a birthday, if you're stuck for gift ideas, here's a list...BOOZE... delivered and preferably purchased by a minor.
Anything sporty.

A date with Bob.

A motivational poster. Side note: does anyone actually buy these things for real anymore. I hadn't see a real one since like, year 3 circa 1993 until I stepped into my brother in law's bedroom about 4 years ago and saw that the man fully dug the motivational poster, but now, I highly doubt that ANYONE would have a motivational poster, except maybe this one.

MORE BOOZE. Preferably fed to infants first.

A leafy leaf magnet.

Dumbest present ever, Its.... a.... leaf, I ain't paying $2 for that.

Lessons with the Karate Kid.

A copy of her favourite album from the hit band Francisco and Ferdinando on high quality 180gram audiophile vinyl. I particularly love how excited F and F are about being on the front cover of their album.

THIS BOOK ROCKS!!!

Happy Birthday Becs.