Holiday

I'm taking a week off work, a week where I can stop worrying about people with pre-existing conditions. Yay.

Here's my list of foolproof excuses to provide to your boss to explain why you're not at work....

I ate a phallic pancake and couldn't get out of bed for a week. My bike got stuck in a tree and I couldn't ride in to work this week.

I had an accident performing a scientific experiment.

I was taking my fish for a walk, do you have any idea it takes to walk a fish round the block?

I can't come in to work, I have a religious ceremony that will take all week. By which I mean I'm going to dress up like spiderman and hang out at the wailing wall waiting for the Green Goblin to show up.

I had to take my cat to the vet because it turned into an emo.

I had a bad experience at the Manning Motel and need a week to recover.

I missed the train and my cat hasn't forgiven me.

I had a glass of bacon that didn't agree with me, I mean, I love a good glass of bacon as much as the next person, but this was like, a salmonella glass of bacon or something.

I got stuck in the paper towel dispenser.

I'm getting my nails done.

I was hanging out with Jackie Chan and Basil Brush and came down with a bad case of TOTALLY AWESOME!

Happy easter... or whatever.