Holiday

I'm taking a week off work, a week where I can stop worrying about people with pre-existing conditions. Yay.

Here's my list of foolproof excuses to provide to your boss to explain why you're not at work....

I ate a phallic pancake and couldn't get out of bed for a week. My bike got stuck in a tree and I couldn't ride in to work this week.

I had an accident performing a scientific experiment.

I was taking my fish for a walk, do you have any idea it takes to walk a fish round the block?

I can't come in to work, I have a religious ceremony that will take all week. By which I mean I'm going to dress up like spiderman and hang out at the wailing wall waiting for the Green Goblin to show up.

I had to take my cat to the vet because it turned into an emo.

I had a bad experience at the Manning Motel and need a week to recover.

I missed the train and my cat hasn't forgiven me.

I had a glass of bacon that didn't agree with me, I mean, I love a good glass of bacon as much as the next person, but this was like, a salmonella glass of bacon or something.

I got stuck in the paper towel dispenser.

I'm getting my nails done.

I was hanging out with Jackie Chan and Basil Brush and came down with a bad case of TOTALLY AWESOME!

Happy easter... or whatever.

He Ping Pung

This week we learned of He Ping Ping's passing. The little fella was seriously awesome.

Can anyone remember who that late nineties punk band were that sang "It's the little things, the little things you doooooo."? It's going round in my head all week, and it's not Blink 182's song "All the Small things... truth cares... truth brings.

But enough of the late nineties punk anthem talk, this blog is in memory of He Ping Ping. I know that a lot of people are mourning the loss of his awesomeness, hang in there.

Here's my tribute to small things...
Not this lady, she is the antithesis of He Ping Ping.
This lady is a little odd.

Sexy skeletor = a little creepy

Little things we take for granted, like knowing how to use a toilet.

I wonder how many mishaps occurred before Fox and Azrin decided to write this book?

Shrunken NWA heads mofos! I can't believe these things are only US$750, there's no way I could just cut three tennis balls in half myself and paint them brown.

Uh, a little problem here Bob!

Little animals.... awesome. My favourite is the coronet or the peruvian.

Big animals in little spaces. Sure it's all good to be totally massive and powerful, but I bet they're wishing they were peruvian guinea pigs now!

Little things can have big effects. Like that butterfly effect theory, but way less hygenic.

Little babies always look like their fathers apparently. Poor kid.

In conclusion, little things are way cool and totally don't suck.

He Ping Ping has left the building.

Stripes are awesome... and other things I learnt

Today I learnt that stripes are hotttttttttt! And I'm in the freaking fire man.

Here's what else I learnt this week.....
There is a life after transexualism, HIV positivism, and wizardry. And that life is called being a freaking prophet and/or money hungry fear merchant.

Whilst hot-dogs are damn tasty, they can be hella dangerous.

Who knew Wesley Strips got so old so quick?

There's a job for me in this passive aggresive sales industry I think.

My local $2 shop had a bargain on wireless notebooks this week!

Turns out Michael Jackson wasn't shitting us, it really was some skin condition.

I learnt that I'm glad I'm not this kid.

I wish I was at this party, it look soooooo fun!

I learnt that the quickest path to forgiveness is finding a sloth in the wild, training it to ride a space hopper and then getting it to go hop around with a sign saying 'sorry'.

I learnt that sometimes people are born with a thumb for a head.

Have a good weekend.

Hell-OMAR

This is Omar, he's so badass he has breakfast with a guitar amp. That's badass, and so is this...
Perverting you childhood memories by getting drunk with the yepyeps from Seasame Street.

Wilbur Sargunaraj is a badass musician, he write the music AND the lyrics, and now he's on THE iTunes! Yeah mofo's he's on the iTunes!
Healthy Obama sprouts, that's rascist, but also pretty badass.

Pantera fans = BADASS

Old school photobombers, badass.

Old school, pre angst and eating disorder Olsen Twins are badass.

Kids with tattoos are badass.On the other hand, tattoos of your kid, not so badass. Or flattering.

Lady Gaga made out of dicks, that's badass.

At lunch the Jewfish was taken off the menu, I asked them why. The waitress said all the jewfish had been eaten by the jewcat.

All my life I though this was a cat, joke's on me. Maybe it's like a magic eye and when you hit puberty it suddenly turns from Hello Kitty to Hello Titty.

Kids who have a go.... badass.

Cracking onto a lady with a bad ass. Not quite the same thing, but equally hilarious.

This is also not so great.

Badass postman says, you'll get your fucking mail after the fucking weekend bitches.

Happy Friday.