Bumper Christmas Special

Usually a Christmas special is really just code for "lazy greatest hits filler when no one is really watching telly or are too drunk to give a shit". Not here though, I freaking love Christmas, and being on holidays, so when I say that this is a bumper christmas blog, it's code for "here's some awesome christmas pictures to tide you over while I'm not on the computer for the next couple of weeks". So after years of research, here's what I've learnt about christmas... Santa's a bit creepy when you think about it

I wish I had a two storey home so I could my dad could by a ridiculously oversized tree to compensate for his guilt of treating me like a jerk all year.

Go Jesus, it's your birthday.

I hate it when you suck a candy can for too long and it becomes spiky, then you accidentally stab the roof of your mouth. So yeah, candy canes are fucking pricks.

Michael Jackson is not Jesus. But I bet Jesus would be awesome at the moonwalk.

I think this is that dude from Street Fighter 2 dressed as Santa. Pretty sure he's Hindu, which is why he doesn't understand that Rudolf may seem like a loser, but he's not that bad on a foggy Christmas eve, you know?

FUUUCK ME! That's uncanny.

To me, Christmas is all about Muppets, and Muppets are for life.

This is my gran, the one I gave the 'cock n balls forever' t shirt to.
She freaking loves Christmas too.

There can never be too many Christmas albums.

Ain' no Christmas like a Communist Christmas. This is sooo going on the top of my tree this year.

Remember, the gift of a baby is for life, not just for Christmas.

Man, just like in Meet the Fockers, only, it's not Ben Stiller, so it's twice as funny.

Freakiest Santa EVER! He looks like an Oompa Loompa on steriods.

So this is what Christmas in opposite world looks like.

Christmas is all about get pissed.The true story of Christmas, doggy style.

If you're not Christian, and you read this book....
Happy Hannakuh This picture is lame, I hate this picture.

I love this picture. I wish Mr T really was Santa.

Yeah, what they said. See you in 2010.

Au revoir Wranger

As a farewell to a ginger haired freak I know who's going off to greener (redder?) pastures, I have compiled a list of things I find funny...

WrangersAnd the fact that red hair is a recessive geneReally lazy parents

And really really bad tattoos. This has to be the worst tattoo in history, yes, the stoned dolphin DOES have a tribal tattoo, duh.

I love that Tim Olsen is willing to fork out the cash to publicise his hate for Nickelback.

I love Lord Likely and his cat that is also a lion.

I love the way Oompa Loompas act all surprised and shocked when overweight strippers get hospitalised, it touches my heart every time I see it.

I love kids, especially when they get hurt.

I love mullets.

I love the fact that this throwback to 1750 is a) holding a gay pride flag and b) obviously used a computer to create the placard which decries the use of computers. Way to harness the "Homo's Devil Machine" ma'am.

Anyone wishing to party tonight, meet me at the Pee and Poo cafe, we can get pissed and talk shit in honour of the wrangers that we used to know.

Seriously though, Matt, goodluck wherever you end up. You wranger.

They're Watching US!!!

Help me lord, there are speed cameras everywhere, watching my every move. We have officially become an Orwellian wasteland of overscrutiny, and some dude sitting on a computer can now see exactly where I am and whether I am eating a hot dog or just a sausage roll...

Do you trust this man with your secrets?

Heck no, so here's how we unite and take action...

Get weapons

And learn how to use them.

Start hanging out with people who know how to fight.

Purchase appropriate apocalypse pants. (Hook me up Sofia!)

Go into disguise. And don't forget to camoflague your ta tas.

Purchase plenty of food to survive the apocalypse.

Bribe the authorities as we descend into lawlessness.

Then hide in the bathtub when zombies start roaming the streets.
Oh wait, it's all bullshit, like a fashion magazine.

(BTW- SJP is the highest paid kneecap in history: FACT!)

Sorry Tiger, your shit is real.
Gotta get this t-shirt (or laid by Tiger Woods 50% chance of both actually happening)

Drive safely and don't run over any zombies on the weekend.

Tiger Wouldn't

No matter what shit you're dealing with at the moment, just remember, you could be Tiger Woods. These people are chanting this mantra today... The guy who accidentally entered into the ladies triathalon.

Kid getting 2 needles at once.

Frankenface.

Johnny no-eyebrows

I love pinata's as much as the next guy, unless I'm standing next to this guy.

Stinky dude, even your mum is ragging on you.

Best placard comeback ever. Suck it Christians homophobes.

I don't think a lollipop makes up for having to be cut out of your school chair.
WTF!

Have a good weekend, go see where the wild things are, or, you know, don't. Whatever.