Time to Go(van)

So THE Govan is leaving....what a bummer.

Here's my guide on how to know when it's time to go....

 When even bogans and monkeys are telling you to get fucked.

 When Chad whatever his name is can get a girl despite the atrocities to music he commits.

 When even the team you're rooting for want to smack you in the face.

 When people like this are allowed to walk the streets.

 When piercings get so intense you have a bike through your fucking mouth.

 When your neighbour leaves subtle hints not to park in front of their gate.

 When your own grandpa wants to fuck your shit up, on your birthday!

 When you can't even eat in peace anymore.

 When two wrongs start to make a right.

 When your hairdo is no longer as edgy as you thought it would be.

 When this bloke plays wonderwall for the 900th time.

 When even nature wants to beat up on you.

And seagulls, the worlds most annoying animal, are finding you annoying. 

That's when it's time to go.

So Go(van). We will miss you. But today is the day.

All the best mate.

Wow... thank you

I can't believe this... thank you

 I am more famous than the guy who jumped his dirt bike over christ

 More soul than all the jazz players in Asia

 Better than all the Jewish surfers that ever existed

 More popular than the orange penguin.

Mind blow. Thank you.

More Goats than you can Goat a Goat Stick At

Goats...fuck yeah

 Rock and Roll loving goat!

Pay attention.

 I said don't pick up the fucking goat man. Can't you fucking read?

 Goat justice

 BEST PRIZE EVER!

 Impressive.. but not a goat!

I'm a fucking goat! Fuck yeah!

Goats wouldn't even get captured in the first place.

 Ahhhh... goats.

I wish I was a goat, but I'm a wet koala! Fuck.

 Goats never hump children. Goats aren't saggy. Goats are waay awesome you dumb dog.

This is the goat castle of my dreams. One day I will live here.

Fuck you goats, you are so fucking awesome it makes me sad.

Shit that can't be unseen!

Avert your eyes now, once you've seen, you can't unsee...

 Manboobs.

 Piss in the mouth! 

 Very pregrant rady.

                                                   Not the kind of toy I'd like to play with.

 Why, why would you even do this?

 Multi-tasking mum.

 I think this is Steve Buscemi as a kid.

 This guy REALLY likes octopus.

 Not that I need an excuse not to attend sexpo, but if I was looking for an excuse not to go, this bloke would be the reason I give.

 Get a room!

 This is offensive on so many levels, I need to take a shower!

I'll never eat another pie without thinking of this creepy ass pie.

Vomit.

Vomit.

Vomit.

Excuses

I realise that I haven't posted in a while, but I've been busy, so back the fuck off. No seriously, here's why I've been so busy...

 I spent two months figuring out why so many people love basketball so much, until I saw these guys who explained it so well.

 I spent a week explaining to this girl that her finger symbols mean nothing in gang sign language. She was devastated.

 World's best hide and seeker, it took me a day in woolies to find this bloke.

 I took out a law suit against Ronald McDonald for grooming my cousin.

 I had a job with a motivational poster company for a month till they fired me for this bad boy.

 I went into a state of deep depression and couldn't leave the house for nine days after I met this lady.

 I've been working really hard on teaching my daughter how to draw well, she's REALLY good at drawing dildoes now.

 I went to the new Spider Man movie.... god damn I had no idea how twisted it was.

 This midget stole my three wheeler and it took me five weeks to track him down.

 I fell in love with a sexy fish and we eloped on an island off the coast of Queensland.

 Emma, oh Emma. So practical. You save my marriage!

 I took a job at the Births Deaths and Marriage Registry. I am now ready to write my thesis on the fact that bogans are breeding faster than regular people.

 Took my family to remote Asian resort, even the statues are sex pests there.

 I spent a month explaining irony to this bloke.

So there you go. Happy Friday.

Poop quietly my friends.