Croc Sitting

Apparantly some bloke in Broome got stone cold drunk and decided it would be really smart to ride a croc named Fatso.

Guess what?

Turns out it was a pretty stupid idea. Here are other stupid ideas for stupid people... Crippled Klu Klux Klan. You can roll, but you can't hide you racist prick.
Why would anyone invent a stove that rapes people? More to the point, why would women wear provocative clothes enticing the stove to rape them, cause you know, she's probably asking for it when she's showing skin, right?

This kid's got the right idea, ride a fat dog, not a crocodile.

This guy got into DJing for one reason and one reason only, to pull chicks and then completely ignore them when they dance in scanty gold booty pants next to his mixer.

Actually, this is a pretty good idea, I can't rag on ingenuity like this.

Tattoo of a photo of someone you love= bad idea

Tattoo on your ass = bad idea

Tattoo of someone you love on your ass = totally awesome idea!!!

It's basic math bitches, two negative make a positive.

WORST ALBUM COVER EVER!!!

Happy friday.

Englisher's Birthday

My friend the Englisher is having a birthday, if you're stuck for gift ideas, here's a list...BOOZE... delivered and preferably purchased by a minor.
Anything sporty.

A date with Bob.

A motivational poster. Side note: does anyone actually buy these things for real anymore. I hadn't see a real one since like, year 3 circa 1993 until I stepped into my brother in law's bedroom about 4 years ago and saw that the man fully dug the motivational poster, but now, I highly doubt that ANYONE would have a motivational poster, except maybe this one.

MORE BOOZE. Preferably fed to infants first.

A leafy leaf magnet.

Dumbest present ever, Its.... a.... leaf, I ain't paying $2 for that.

Lessons with the Karate Kid.

A copy of her favourite album from the hit band Francisco and Ferdinando on high quality 180gram audiophile vinyl. I particularly love how excited F and F are about being on the front cover of their album.

THIS BOOK ROCKS!!!

Happy Birthday Becs.

War Is Over

I offficially declare the war on the IT Department OVER.

It seems that they have bowed to pressure and lifted the ban on my blog.

I'd like to thank all the protesters, without your harrassment of the IT staff this wouldn't have happened. Because god knows I didn't hassle them at all.

But I'll never again take for granted the privilege it is to post stupid pictures on the web at my leisure. Like this one...

To celebrate I'm shouting cordless massagers for EVERYONE!!!

In Memory of Sofia

Well, another awesome person is leaving the Cod Fishing banks. Gutted! So here's my list of things that are totally sweet about Sofia that you might not know, apart from the obvious fact that she has impeccable tastes in football teams and an encyclopaedic knowledge about a game she's only been watching for 5 years... She's got a good sense of style, like this dude.
She's into Lord of the Rings and shit, like these dudes.

Coming from the Seychelles, she may or may not have experienced Jack Nicholson's man boobs on a boat first hand.

Pretty sure she told me she had a pet goat. And goats are pretty much the most badass animal in the world.

She's named after a former communist capital. Making her way more revolutionary and dissenting than I could ever hope to be.

Obscure but impressive taste in music.

Doesn't eat McDonalds. Respect.

So as you can see, Sofia basically wrote the book on how to be awesome and we'll all miss her very much.

Fuck You For Leaving.

Things I Can't Stomach Right Now

I stupidly watched a Man V Wild DVD when I was sick yesterday, the dude ate a raw birds egg straight out of the nest. I was like, Bear, what if there's a baby bird in there! Don't get me started on the time he slept in a sheep carcass.
How does this shit happen in the 21st century. Way to fuck up everything BP.

Ewww, dagwood dogs.

Booze and pringles, no thanks.

I did actually eat a gaytime, but this is freaking me out.

Meat! Too... Much... Meat!!!

Ewww.. Madonna sans make up.

Selleck Waterfall Sandwich.

Things We Regret

BP Regret spilling all that oil and killing all those fish (which is what is floating on the water in this picture).... who am I kidding, no they don't. They don't give a shit.
This bear regrets being suck a badass and climbing a suburban so high that he was shot with tranquilisers to get him down. FYI... apparently he missed the airbag and landed on the ground.

I regret RSVPing to the wranger convention.

I regret hiring this guy as my facial hair stylist.

I regret letting my cat watch Jersey Shore.

I regret picking these hitch hikers up.

She regrets her one night stand with Tiger.

Holy fuck, Ronald is invincible, like a cockroach.

I don't regret eating a taco as big as my ass.

Happy Friday.

Now Gary Coleman!!!

First it's He Ping Ping, now Gary Coleman. These things go in threes, so all the short people around the world are heading into hiding.... here's some big things that have nothing to worry about... That's one massive hole!!!
Short people have been seen gravitating towards the large in an attempt to hide from death's clutches.

This lady is massively drunk, she'll be fine.

Big balls on a big car... sweet.

Very very big fish.

This kid's short, but he's a two year old that smokes, death ain't gonna mess with this badass.

This guy's offering free rides to little people, quick, jump on.

That's one big cat.

RIP Gary.