Why didn't I think of that?

I am always so excited/ jealous when I see great ideas.

Here are some that I wish I thought of first...

 Using those crappy foil baloons for sick humour.

 Making friends with pigeons. There are loads of pigeons.

                                  Meeting girls at car racing, you meet classy girls at car races.

 Bacon for one. Plus your girlfriend's hair will smell of bacon grease, which can't possibly be a bad thing.

 Oh my god. Waterproof computers, would people stock fucking around making computers faster and    smaller and sexier... just make a goddamn waterproof one.

 This takes fountains to a whole new level.

 Hammocks on the train... make it rain!

 This is quite possibly the most important invention ever, how have we not lived for billions of years without thinking about making our shit look more fancy before we flush it.

 I wish I was as smart and suave as Bill Gates.

 A bed that you can walk on during the day, genius. Now I don't have to walk out of the lounge room when I go to sleep.

                                                                  God bless America.

                                                Now that is a smart way to advertise.

                                                            Work harder, not smarter!

MIND = BLOWN

Happy friday.

Drunk...

Imagine if you could be drunk all the time and never get a hang over. Imagine the posibilities....

 You could drive your speed boat and not give a fuck about your passengers.

                          You could wear the craziest shit to parties and people would understand.

                            You could hang out all day and never get bored, cold, washed, a job.

                             You could think up awesome inventions uninhibited by social norms.

                          Get loads of tattoos you'll never regret because you'll never sober up.

                                                   You could wear cutting edge jumpers.

                                                                Eat loads of pizza.

                                             Think up amazing excuses and reason like a pro.

                                     You could knit a giant monkey with oversized genetalia.

                                             You would probably think this looked delicious.

                         Hot girls would fall in love with you, or at least you would think they do.

                                                           DRUUUUUUUUUUUUNK.

                                                 You could ask stupid ass questions.

                                    You could tell the computer what you really think about it.

                                You'd see loads of crazy shit involving animals and toilets I bet.

             You would hear bullshit ideas and take them as fact and live your life on a new, higher plain.

So get boozing like these lads, it hasn't done them any harm.

If you're not drunk by now...Go fuck yourself. 

Happy Friday.

People I Hate Right Now

I'm sooo mad right now. So here is my list of people I hate for no particular reason...

 Whoever decided to cancel Friends. Come on, could that show BE an funnier? Why cancel it punk?

                                                        Celebrities with stupid names.

                                                     People who violate rules of fashion.

                                                   Orangutangs who can't hold their booze.

                                                     Smart arse pricks with sideburns.

                                 The ironic/ non ironic divide that I am never sure when to cross.

                                                                        Musicians.

                                                                Random dudes.

                                                                Interpretive dancers.

                                                       Bald jerks who hate on muscle men.

                                                          People who blow dinosaurs.

                                                   People who wear non ironic mullets.

                                                     Inappropriate use of sticky tape.

                   Families who don't support their talented daughters... no matter what the talent is.

                                                                      Faux goths.

                                                                        Pot heads.

                                                                          Liars.

Tourists!