Shit Boring Stories Begone

I've been inundated with mundane stories and semi-shit jokes of late. It's time to restore the balance before I lose all faith in humanity. Here are some actually interesting things I've done lately.... I participated in Harry Potter week. I love Harry Potter!

I helped my little brother write an essay on the greatest doctor in the modern age... Dr Dre.

Me and my neighbour bought a sword and went all Samurai on a pumpkin.

I installed something we all want to drink at the water cooler at work.

I gave my cousin a kick arse computer game that may or may not have turned him into a little queer.

I opened a dagwood dog store outside the Sistine Chapel. How could that possibly go wrong?

I invented the worlds first edible jumper. It's greasy as fuck and dogs are always hassling me when I wear it, but who wouldn't want a pizza to keep them warm?

I got the most obscure tattoo I could think of.

I finally got round to bathing my llama.

To calm a llama down one must cool a llama down.

I invented the greatest invention the worlds of hair care and pho have ever known

I got a moose addicted to iced coffees and let it loose in a Starbucks.

I trained my dog how to shit on the toilet.

What will YOU do this weekend?