Apocalypse... Later

So, it turns out that the world didn't end, I mean, I can't see any red skies or mushroom clouds from where I'm sitting, thanks for getting us all excited over nothing doomsayers.
I'm with Angela, I'm over people saying the world's going to end.

In my opinion, the world isn't ending because...

The world is filled with so much love right now.

And it's not quite a crime to own cats yets.

I spun this record backwards and it didn't say "21/5/11 the world will end." It actually said "Buy excessive amounts of toilet paper when you see a sale."

Besides, I haven't set up my Apocalpse swingers club yet, it's a place for people to go and get off when the world actually is going to end. This lady got a bit carried away last week I see.

Osama "hide and seek champion of the world" bin Laden is now gone, so who's going to usher in Armageddon?

The point is, if you're going to die, you're going to die, especially if you don't listen to Slayer.

Happy Friday... for the time being.

Lucky Symbols

For all those johnny hard to impressers who aren't flipping a nut right now because 'money bags' month is almost upon us, here are a couple of other obscure lucky charms from around the world you've probably never heard of... In Korea, if your cat is dressed like an astronaught you will have good luck every second tuesday as long as it's not raining.
In France, you can eat cheese that's aikin to 'warm poo' and you will find your love life triples amongst the opposite sex (provided the said opposite sex also enjoys eating warm poo).

Using an iPad to take photos at a rock concert will instantly turn you into a douche bag in hipster communities on the west coast of America.

Bald people who wear fake ed hardy in Thailand will grow hair on their chins that they can later transplant to their head if they go to a backyard surgeon in Krabi.

If a slutty man washes your pink stretch hummer in Denmark you will find bountiful crackers in your cupboard for seven months.

In North Eastern fishing communities, naming your boat a childish comound word that doesn't really exist will lead to an excellent yield of lobsters for the season.

In Portugal, if you eat freeze dried sausage pizza you will be able to see in x ray vision the next time you are playing Street Fighter II at timezone.

English midlanders believe that if you deny the death of Brittany Murphy then your cows will produce creamier milk.

In China, if you catch a suicidal bride your entire family will be immune to the clap.

In Japan, if you eat inappropriately titled noodle snacks you will be funny to the western world.

In Austria, eating an ice cream like a rabid dog will absolve any infidelity worries you are having with your wife/ husband.

The Spanish believe that if a pregnant lady eats nothing but ham while gravid, then you will have a daughter, who co-incidentally will grow up to be a lumpy ham obsessed tween.

Go money bags.

Vive Jamon.

Happy birthday to meeeeeeeeee!

Happy friday to youse all.

And fuck you Peter Piper, and your peck of pickled peppers... you fucking pickled pepper picker.